Jokes « Nohad Sleiman Blog

New Lexus – Lebanon vs. Israel

August 16, 2006

I just got my new Lexus RX400H car but had to return to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. “Watch this,” he said: “Nelson!” The Radio replied “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” He continued, and “On the Road Again” came from the speakers.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say “Beethoven” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said “Beatles” I’d get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled “ASSHOLES!”
\n\n

\n\n The Israeli\nNational Anthem began to play, sung by George\nBush and Tony\nBlair, backed up by Donald\nRumsfeld,\nDick Cheney and Condoleezza\nRice!!!!

\n\n

\n\n Damn, I LOVE this car!

\n\n

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The Israeli National Anthem began to play, sung by George Bush and Tony Blair, backed up by Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice!!!!

Damn, I LOVE this car!

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Posted by Nohad Sleiman

A little Syrian boy

May 12, 2006

A little Syrian boy goes into the kitchen where his mom iscooking.While playing, he wears a "tarboush" and a "sherwal"… and says: "Mom, look, I'm a Lebanese boy now "!!His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father."He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a Lebanese boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother."The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Look, Grandma, I'm aLebanese boy. His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says: "See. Did you learn anything from that?" Towhich the boy replies: "Sure I did!! I've only been Lebanese for fiveminutes and I already HATE you Syrians!"

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Posted by Nohad Sleiman

Living in 2006

May 10, 2006

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when…

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice that there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

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Posted by Nohad Sleiman