I just got my new Lexus RX400H car but had to return to the dealer the next daycomplaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. “Watch this,” he said: “Nelson!” The Radio replied “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” He continued, and “On the Road Again” came from the speakers.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say “Beethoven” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said “Beatles” I’d get one of their awesome songs.
One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled “ASSHOLES!”
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\n\n The Israeli\nNational Anthem began to play, sung by George\nBush and Tony\nBlair, backed up by Donald\nRumsfeld,\nDick Cheneyand Condoleezza\nRice!!!!
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\n\n Damn, I LOVE this car!
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The Israeli National Anthem began to play, sung by George Bush and Tony Blair, backed up by Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheneyand Condoleezza Rice!!!!
16 Things that it took me over 50 years to learn:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential,
that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
(I wish I had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a
nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never
fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . They start out
as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them
until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means
that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky
boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
A little Syrian boy goes into the kitchen where his mom iscooking.While playing, he wears a "tarboush" and a "sherwal"… and says: "Mom, look, I'm a Lebanese boy now "!!His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father."He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a Lebanese boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother."The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Look, Grandma, I'm aLebanese boy. His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says: "See. Did you learn anything from that?" Towhich the boy replies: "Sure I did!! I've only been Lebanese for fiveminutes and I already HATE you Syrians!"
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice that there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
Posted by Nohad Sleiman 
Posted by Nohad Sleiman 
Posted by Nohad Sleiman 