Mr. Olmert and Hizbullah

>”Hallo, Mr. Olmert!” a heavily accented voice said.
>”This is Abul Abed, down at the tea house in Beirut! I
>am callin` to tell ya dat we are officially declaring
>war on you, yes you!”
>
>”Well” Olmert replied, “This is indeed important news!
>How big is your army?”
>
>”Right now,” said Abul Abed, after a moments
>calculation “there is myself, my cousin Mustafa, me
>next-door-neighbor Abou khaled, and the whole team
>from the tea house. That makes eight!”
>
>Olmert paused. “I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have
>one million men in my army waiting to move on my
>command.”
>
>”Holy jeez,” said Abul Abed. “I`ll have to call ya
>back!”
>Sure enough, the next day, Abul Abed called again.
>”Mr. Olmert, the war is still on! We have managed to
>acquire some infantry equipment!”
>
>”And what equipment would that be Abul Abed?”, Olmert
>asked.
>”Well sir, we have two Mercedes 180, and a truck.”
>
>Olmert sighed. “I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have
>16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers.
>Also I`ve increased my army to one and a half million
>since we last spoke.”
>
>”Ya lateef”, said A Abul Abed, “I`ll be getting back
>to ya.”
>Sure enough, Abul Abed rang again the next day. “Mr.
>Olmert , the war is still on! We have managed to get
>ourselves airborne! We modified a helicopter with a
>couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four more
>neighbors have joined us as well!”
>
>Olmert was silent for a minute then cleared his
>throat. “I must tell you Abul Abed that I have 10,000
>bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex
>is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
>sites. And since we last spoke, I`ve increased my army
>to TWO MILLION!”
>
>”Lah lah lah lah,” said Abul Abed, “I`ll have to call
>you back.”
>
>Sure enough, Abul Abed called again the next day. “Mr.
>Olmert I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had
>to call off this war.”
>”I`m sorry to hear that” said Olmert. “Why the sudden
>change of heart?”
>
>”Well, sir,” said Abul Abed, “we`ve all sat ourselves
>down and had a long chat, and come to realize that
>there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”
>
>LEBANESE CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!

New Lexus – Lebanon vs. Israel

I just got my new Lexus RX400H car but had to return to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked. 

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. “Watch this,” he said: “Nelson!” The Radio replied “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” He continued, and “On the Road Again” came from the speakers.

 I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say “Beethoven” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said “Beatles” I’d get one of their awesome songs.

 One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled “ASSHOLES!”
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\n\n The Israeli\nNational Anthem began to play, sung by George\nBush and Tony\nBlair, backed up by Donald\nRumsfeld,\nDick Cheney and Condoleezza\nRice!!!!

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\n\n Damn, I LOVE this car!

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