Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.     I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?   
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the
Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
 A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked
"What are you doing ?"
   
 
 I told him I was a light bulb.
   
He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate
for a couple  of days".
   
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
   
 When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her
   "…And  where  do you think you're going?"
   
      ( You're going 2 love this….. )
   
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

Priest, woman and an officer!

A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from London.
She finds herself seated next to a priest asks"Excuse me father,
may I ask a favour of you?"

"Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.

"Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself, a superbly sophisticated
electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well
over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will
confiscate itfrom me. Could you perhaps secret it through Customs for me under
your robes?"

"I certainly could my dear, only I must warn you I really am not
ever able to lie…"

"You have such an honest face father, surely they will never ask
any questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's turn in
line.

"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Custom's officer.
"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my
son."
Finding this answer a little strange the custom's officer proceeds
to ask,
"And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"
the father replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument destined
to be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used…"

Roaring with laughter, the Custom's officer says, "Go right through
father.

Next!"

Donkeys are smarter than we think they are

If you read this story it may change your opinion about donkeys. They
are obviously a lot smarter than we think…

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all
grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to
everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He
was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and
take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone
was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

The first moral of the story

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells
just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

60% Of Windows Vista Code To Be Rewritten

David Richards – Friday, 24 March 2006
Up to 60% of the code in the new consumer version of Microsoft new
Vista operating system is set to be rewritten as the Company
"scrambles" to fix internal problems a Microsoft insider has confirmed
to SHN.

n an effort to meet a dealine of the 2007 CES show in Las Vegas
Microsoft has pulled programmers from the highly succesful Xbox team to
help resolve many problems associated with entertainment…
More 

Wife and Husband

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not – don't you like
being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why
wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married
again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her
face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our
house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you
sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we
sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND:
"Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with
hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to
do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's
left-handed."

WIFE: – - -silence – -

HUSBAND! : "oh
shit"