LORD, THEY’RE FINALLY TOGETHER

A couple married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married
again and had 7 more children. Her second husband died. She married
again and had 5 more children. Her third husband died. And, alas, she
finally died, too.
  
 
At her funeral and standing by her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He
thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re
finally together.”
  
 
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think
he means her first, second or third husband?”
 
  
 
The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”

Possibly the best blond joke ever…

A plane is on its way to Cape Town when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up and moves to the First Class and sits down. The flight attendant
watches her do this and asks to see her ticket She then tells the
blonde passenger that she’s paid for Economy and that she will have to
go and sit in the back The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful,
I’m going to Cape town and I’m staying right here!”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for economy she is only entitled to an economy seat and
she will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde
replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Cape town and I’m
staying right here!”
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that
he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest
this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married
to a blonde and I speak blonde!”

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says “Oh, I’m
sorry- I had no idea,” gets up and moves back to her seat in the
economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he
said to make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied “I told her First Class isn’t going to Cape Town”

Fucked Twice

A very VERY ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons.
A man asks her, “are they twins?”

Puzzled the woman replies, “no.. one is 3 years old and the other is
10.
why R u asking?”

The man replies: “no particular reason, I just can’t believe someone
fucked u twice”.

Before the surgery

A guy picks up this pretty woman and

after a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on
her nightstand by the bed.He begins to worry. “Is this your husband?” he
nervously asks.

No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.
“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.
“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.
“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured
“No, no, no!!!” she answers, giggling
“Well then , who in the hell is he?”, he demands.

“That’s me before the surgery.

Nothing to worry about!

In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,
“Teacher, can >>my momma get pregnant?”
The teacher asks, “How old is your mother?”
The little girl says, “Forty.”
The teacher says, “Yes, your mother could get pregnant.”
The little girl asks, “Can my big sister get pregnant?”
The teacher asks, “How old is your sister?”
The little girl answers, “Nineteen.”
The teacher says, “Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant.”
The little girl asks, “Can I get pregnant?”
The teacher asks, “How old are you?”
The little girl says, “I’m seven years!! Old.”
The teacher says, “No, you can’t get pregnant.”
The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, “See, I told you we had nothing to worry about.”